The day of Paid Love
February 14 is Valentine’s Day. It is widely known that secret lovers give each other gifts on this day. Romantic and sentimental.
But once upon a time things started differently. In the 3rd century, a priest and a bishop, both named Valentine, died on February 14. They didn’t lose their head to love, but by a blow from the executioner with his sword.
When PROUD (the interest group for and by sex workers) existed one year in 2016, they decided to celebrate by declaring the day after Valentine’s Day, February 15, as the Day of Paid Love.
Now you’re probably surprised by this turn of events. You might think: what do the bloody beheadings and sad end of lives of both men by the name Valentine have to do with this sweet and romantic love celebration? Well, believe it or not, even readers of this blog struggle to see the connection between love and proud professionals.
This brings us to the contemporary debate that has been going on for years: “Pay for sex”
Now back to today. I’m in the kitchen with my good friend drinking a glass of wine. We talk about the past and I challenge him to talk about intimate matters. I used to work as a high-class escort and I’m curious to see whether he will judge me or if he’s more open minded than I think. He starts talking about his experiences with sex and reluctantly says he has been to a sex club. I then asked him whether he has ever paid for sex. He remained silent…
So, to make him talk some more about the matter, I admitted that I once booked a gigolo and therefore paid for an evening of fun. And yes… It wasn’t long after that he admitted having paid for sex. He even added the fact that it was strange he was being so narrow-minded about it.
Well… Is it today’s world? Or do we say it’s because of education and way of thinking?
From an extensive SM Experience to a refined erotic massage: you name it, but it’s all for sale. What makes getting paid or paying for intimacy such a taboo?
Although this subject may cause embarrassment which is partly understandable, we must get rid of it. Because the great importance of intimacy should not and cannot be underestimated. And that this issue affects all levels of society is first and foremost evident from the different levels of sex workers.
But what’s even more interesting, it turns out that intimacy can be so important that it is even an important topic in personal injury law. In an article by Mr. G.M. by Wassenaer1, who dares to discuss sexuality for the injured party, he discusses the need for paid intimacy. He refers to the situation where someone can no longer find a relationship due to an accident and therefore feels lonely and frustrated. Every person has the right to physical and mental intimacy, but also the right to “family life” in the most intimate sense of the word. He states that if this suffering cannot be removed, it must be financially compensated.
When reading this article, I think of the clients I met as a high-class escort. Men and women who have fantastic lives, but a partner who no longer wants or can have intimacy. Every now and then partners had given each other the freedom to pay for the intimacy because it no longer happened at home. They were aware of each other’s “outings”. But this was kept private. To keep it discrete and professional, they booked a high-class escort at Pink Sheets. And yes, it was more about intimacy and touching than just the sexual acts. These people also shared their personal stories and often asked whether I was doing this work voluntarily. My answer was always a clear “Yes”. The adventure, the satisfaction, I loved it all. You give more than just sex. You give a piece of yourself to the other. The connection that is created between two people at that moment is real. That gives satisfaction and value to this work.
With this thought in my head, I get up from the kitchen table and I walk to the counter. I turn around and look straight at my friend who was following me closely… I take a long sip of my wine and a deep breath: “I have worked as a high-class escort and I am proud of it.”
[1] https://www.vanww.nl/local/userfiles/publicaties/smart_sex_en_centen.pdf
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