Having sex and making love

Some may find it difficult to imagine; love without sex or having sex while there is no love. Maybe others fully enjoy having just sex without love. What is it? Can sex and love be seen separate from each other? Or are they inseparable? Obviously, we understand a form of love without sex as love for family members or friends. But we do also know love in relationships without sex. How? Well, nowadays we know multiples types of relationships than just the classical monogamy. An open relationship, polyamory or erotic outings with your partner. However, we do speak of relationships with all of these types and so we assume there to be love.

What if you have a good relationship with security, peace, and stability, but making love has dropped down the priority list? You desire for more and want adventure. The excitement in the beginning has made place for security and ‘just loving each other’. You know what you have, but it’s not really that exciting. As a consequence: a loving, stable, and good relationship, without steamy sex. Then we also speak of a relationship without sex.

Just keep in mind that there is as much sex without love, as there is love without sex. Let’s say that you are that partner, in the loving relationship where the excitement has totally disappeared. After all, falling in love does dissipate after a while. How do you get that dopamine back? You are able to get that chemical back. Let me challenge you in that regard.

Imagine being on an erotic party and someone is hunting your partner while you’re witnessing it. Well… Yes, you read it correctly. Someone is hunting your partner and wants to drag him or her to their cave for an exciting and intimate adventure.

How does that affect you?

Let’s talk a bit science first. There are two important driving forces in human beings. The first is finding our daily food. The second is reproduction. The man is constantly looking for possibilities to donate his sperm and the woman is in search for the man who answers to her fertility. Research shows that we don’t make that decision ourselves, but that our nature drives us to this sexual behaviour. Whereas women are pickier because they only have a few egg cells to spare, men want to spread their sperm as much as possible. Of course, men do have a preference.

If a man looks at a woman for more than 8,2 seconds, it means that he is attracted to her. Does he only look 4 seconds, he doesn’t. Men are hunters and want to be quick. The best way for a lady of letting the man know she is interested, is by giving him a sincere smile. While men might think they are hunters, freely engage in courtships and think highly of themselves, a little bit of encouragement is needed to make them aware they have a shot. Women are natural temptresses and are very clear in their body language.

Back to our hunter with his prey; your partner. The hunter seduces its prey, gives her attention and compliments, and approaches her. She lets herself be seduced, goes with him and has sex. Does that make you jealous? Or does it turn you on because it shows how your partner is still very attractive to others?

And what if it’s you. A beautiful lady sees you and seduces you with her gorgeous smile. She makes you feel warm inside, this attention feels pleasant. She approaches, shows interest, caresses her soft hands over your shoulders and looks at you with her beautiful eyes.

Maybe you don’t recognise it, but that tickling sensation you get from this attention is caused by oxytocin, the cuddle hormone. This hormone gives the same feeling when using cocaine or eating lots of chocolate. It gives you a thrill. You feel nice and wanted… But there is no question of love.

Next to that, it gives your relationship a huge boost. Your ego is hurt, your ‘primal brain’ is triggered: It’s your partner and you want to show again that you’re the best for him or her and that your love is the strongest. You drag your partner by his or her hair out of that cave and you make love to her or him. Sex with love, love with sex. Allow and experience.

Sex without love can mean something for your loving relationship. It can strengthen the love and also bring back the fiery sexual desire you have for each other. Intimacy, skin hunger, mental satisfaction, all terms that make sexual desire so much more than just ordinary sex.

Are you triggered? But is such an erotic party a step too far? And do you want to discover if you can strengthen the love between you by freeing your sexual desires? Everything step by step, your limits, your wishes… Consider hiring a professional.

Do you have any questions? Please contact us.